Amitabh Bachchan is a commodity: Naseeruddin Shah
Naseeruddin Shah is no stranger to adulation but his experiences as a struggling actor remains close to his heart. His memoir, ‘And Then One Day’ is written in a stream of consciousness and reads almost like a film narrative.
A book, which is almost a confession of, unresolved personal relationships; Shah, who perhaps has the highest number of unreleased films in India (30) to his credit, tells Shutapa Paul in a candid chat that he wanted to be an international star and finds it impossible to play larger-than-life roles even today. Excerpts:
Question: In your book you ask, ‘Is this a story worth telling?
Naseeruddin Shah (NS): I didn’t think that I would actually ever complete it. I did it as an exercise in memory. I wrote it because I needed to write it for myself. I have come to terms with a lot of things (through this book). My dad, my first marriage, failed relationships etc. I could look at a lot of them anew while analyzing them.
Ques: You mention the mirror in your book. Is it still important to you?
NS: I have examined my face long enough to know what I can and can’t do with it. I don’t gaze at myself in the mirror anymore. But I do use it at times when I’m rehearsing to speak to myself, to see whether it is coming across well. Since I had decided when I was about 12 or 13 that acting is what I wanted to do, I could see that I don’t look like a matinee idol. I had to see what else is possible with a face like mine. At all those sessions in the mirror I discovered my strengths, which was that my face is changeable.
Ques: You shared a difficult relationship with your father. Does it still trouble you?
NS: It gnaws at me still because it was never really resolved. We never really made friends and we both missed out on it a great deal. I was too terrified of him to make a move and he was too much old school to take the initiative in showing any affection. I missed out on something. Both my brothers shared a very good relationship with him. Apart from Shakespeare I don’t think he had heard of any other playwright. His contact with the arts was completely non-existent, he looked down up on it. And acting wasn’t something that a grown-up man does. For him (my failing in class) wiped out every other aspect of my personality. He forgot that I was also his son, which is something I hold against him. He should have allowed me to come a little closer to him. I want to tell youngsters reading this book who have trouble communicating with their fathers is, all you need to do is go up to the old man and hug him. He is not going to push you away or spurn you. I wish I had the courage to do that to my dad. I never did.
Ques: You must be very different with your sons?
NS: I try to be friends. They are naturally in awe of me because of my reputation and the fact that I have a short fuse. But I think they are much closer to me than I was to my dad.
Ques: You were not in touch with your daughter, Heeba for 12 years. Have you made amends?
NS: I had told Ratna about her but Heeba had receded from my mind. And then out of the blue I get this letter from her from Iran. She (Heeba) had heard a lot about me and wants to meet me. I asked her to come here whenever she wants (to) and she turned up and never left. She is actively involved in theatre and is a wonderful actor.
I don’t know if it’s ever possible (to make amends) but I have done what I could.
Ques: In your book, you write about having sex at the age of Rs 15 for Rs 2. Inflation huh?
NS: Now I think the ladies who went for Rs 2 would go for Rs 200 at least in Bombay, in Kishangarh, I don’t know. (laughs)
Ques: In your book, you write, “And love and sex do not seem separate, as indeed they don’t at any age.” Really?
NS: They are synonymous; they do go together. I don’t think there can be a love relationship between a man and a woman that doesn’t include sex and vice versa.
Ques: What does marijuana and LSD do for you?
NS: It’s kind of similar to the experience I had the first time I went on stage. I felt that this is the state I have always wanted to be in. Your perception and focus certainly grows sharper. I found that a very stimulating feeling because I’m certain I suffered from ADD (attention deficit disorder).
Ques: You wanted to play Gandhi and you did. Any other roles that you want to reprise?
NS: I wanted to become an international star; I didn’t want to play Gandhi. I wanted to play Clint Eastwood in ‘A Fistful of Dollars’. I realized that if that get this role (in Richard Attenborough’s Gandhi), I’m going to become an international star. I dreamt of playing Hamlet, Shylock and King Lear. But over the years I have realized that doing a play just because you feel like playing a particular role only becomes an exercise in vanity.
Ques: It’s said that you’ve bridged the gap between parallel and commercial cinema.
NS: I’ve just managed to stay afloat with one leg in both boats. Though I’m grateful to the commercial industry for giving me all those opportunities, I haven’t really lived up to my reputation in those films. I was just not cut out for those films.
Ques: Even in a film like ‘The Dirty Picture’?
NS: The Dirty Picture was taking the piss out of the industry. I enjoyed doing that; I wasn’t playing that part seriously. But if I have to play larger than life, I find it practically impossible to do. You can’t be real in a popular Hindi movie. You have to be synthetic, predictable (and) attractive. I don’t think these three qualities are essential for a good actor.
Ques: You have admiration for the big stars but you don’t consider them to be actors.
NS: No, they’re not. They are commodities. Mr Bachchan for example is extremely gifted but he is a commodity, he is not an actor.
Ques: Anyone who you feel has is both actor and star?
NS: I think Daniel Day Lewis who is a huge star and an actor who is unmatched in his skill. He has been lucky but I think he deserved to have that luck. (Al) Pacino who does small movies and does big Hollywood blockbusters as well.
Ques: You must have thought that there would be younger readers including your children who would have read it including young aspiring actors. What would be their takeaway from your book?
NS: I don’t know what they’ll take away which is why I wanted to bare it all. It’s not a tell-all. I haven’t told everything about everybody. I told as much as I felt is of interest without turning it lascivious and voyeuristic. So what any actor takes away from it is up to him. I have written about my beliefs and convictions.
Ques: You have the highest number of unreleased films in India.?
NS: Yes, probably in the world. About 30 completed, unreleased lying in godowns rotting somewhere, most of them NFDC productions. I did ‘The Blueberry Hunt’ three years ago (which is) unreleased. There was another one after that called ‘Michael’ also unreleased. Three years ago in London, I did a film called ‘It could be You’. These are just three in the last four years. I made a list one day. A couple of them are really good. One is a film by Gulzar called ‘Libaas’ with Shabana Azmi, which was a wonderful movie. I don’t know why it wasn’t released. There was another one by Jalal Agha called ‘Nirvaan’. A lot of them were bad movies (too).
Ques: You directed in ‘Yun Hota to Kya Hota’ (2006) and that was it. Why?
NS: It wasn’t a good movie. I don’t consider it (to be) a well-made film; it was just average. It stings to know that I failed there. I don’t think I have the ability, it requires peculiar abilities to make a film; I don’t have them. So much rides on a movie, so much money, so many people’s time, commitment and if you don’t deliver you feel that you’ve let the whole team down.
